I've often been asked, "So what IS attachment parenting". After long winded explanations, for ME,  it boiled down to this:

"In a practical sense AP is unconditionally nurturing your child's cues for nourishment, touch and interaction."

You do not force your child to:

• Drink formula (if possible)
• Feed at scheduled times
• Cry-it-out (controlled-crying)
• Sleep on their own
• Sit in a stroller or capsule
• Be separated from you for extended periods
• Be spanked
• Be independent from you

You allow your child to:

• Breastfeed (if possible)
• Feed whenever they need to (on demand)
• Sleep with you (co-sleep)
• Be carried in a babycarrier (baby-wear)
• Stay with you throughout the day and night
• Be taught with gentle discipline
• Be dependent on you when they need to

Why go to all this effort to nurture your child?
During the first 3 years of life a child's brain is almost entirely hardwired (80%). Experiences during this period of massive brain growth will shape the child's personality for the rest of their life. Severe neglect or abuse will cause mental retardation. More info here.

Why focus on having a strong attachment with your child?
Babies who have strong attachments to their mothers are more empathetic, confident, sociable, relaxed, happy and intelligent – and these effects will last a lifetime. The relationship a baby forms with the mother, will be the basis for all other subsequent relationships in the baby's life. More info here.

This is why AP strives to form strong, trusting, loving bonds between mother and child. AP provides mum and baby a lifestyle with the least amount of stress possible – no schedules or spanking, and lots of love and cuddles. Baby's brain is able to flourish in a loving environment during the critical period of growth.

What's wrong with controlled crying?
Infants who experience chronic stress – like that experienced in 'controlled crying' – are 10 times more likely to have ADHD, poor school performance, poor fine motor development, antisocial behaviour, increased aggression, impulsivity, emotional unattachment, and violence later in life. More info here.

I'm hesitant to call controlled crying neglect or abuse, because I know most parents who use this practice deeply care for their children and believe whole heartedly it is safe to do. But it doesn't detract from the brain damage an infant suffers, and is left with for the remainder of their life.

What's wrong with spanking?
Physical punishment is consistently related to poor mental health including: depression, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, relationship problems, increased levels of aggression, anti-social behaviour, raised thresholds for defining an act as violent, and perpetration of violence as an adult, including abuse of one's family members. More info here.

Why carry baby all the time?
Touch is also a crucial element during baby's first three years of life, it is literally a trigger that turns on mental and physical growth. Lack of touch will cause mental and physical growth retardation. A mother's presence near the baby alone does not have much effect on growth, and nor does trying to shovel excessive amounts of food into baby's mouth - it is when the baby perceives warm, physical touch that growth is triggered.

Babies who experience a high level of loving touch gain weight faster, sleep better, are more alert, relaxed, and begin developmental milestones like crawling and walking earlier. Touch de-stresses baby and helps build a strong attachment between mum and baby. More info here.

Why breastfeed?
Human breastmilk is specifically designed to nourish and protect human babies. Breast milk passes on a myriad of antibodies the mother has accumulated over her lifetime (no vaccine can claim that). This symbiotic immunity is put to use everyday – when a mother kisses her child she ingests the germs present on babies skin, creates antibodies to it, then passes the antibodies on to baby through her breastmilk. Perfect! All the more reason to breastfeed and smother our babies in kisses. Breastmilk provides the perfect skin-to-skin contact that is so essential to babies' mental and physical development. More info here.

Why feed on demand?
Babies' breastfed on demand receive more milk than babies fed on schedule. It's important to recognise a newborns stomach capacity is only about 60-80ml (from the third day onwards, before that it's much smaller), or a size of a large chicken egg. Babies fed on demand also obviously cry much less, and the attachment between mum and baby is enhanced as mum responds lovingly to baby's cues. More info here.

What's wrong with formula?
Formula-fed babies tend to spit up more, be constipated more, have more gas, be more colicky and have more intestinal illnesses. Formula fed babies are 5 time more likely to need hospitalization before the age of one. More info here.

AP is normal
Attachment Parenting is not a new thing, AP style parenting was the norm for our ancestors, and is still the norm in many non-westernized countries. Other cultures instinctively still understand that infants need to be loved, nurtured, cherished and enjoyed – they don't need to be ignored, controlled and punished. AP is normal, it's natural, it's logical, it's healthy. More info here.

No matter the reason why our culture veered away from the AP style of parenting, the fact remains we have sacrificed our mental wellbeing because of it. And because of that, even forming close attachments with our own children can be daunting territory for many parents. Many parents were raised with an unattached style of parenting, or their lives are devoid of any strong attachment. For these parents, developing an attachment with their child may be more challenging.

For any parent, it's a major lifestyle transition to change from being a completely independent human being, to spending the majority of your time caring for your dependent wee one.

Some parents struggle with the concept of control – they don't want to be controlled by their baby, and they don't want to raise a spoiled child. Learning to trust your baby can be a big step for some, especially when parenting methods and medical professionals publicize that babies cries for nourishment, touch or interaction are manipulative and not to be taken seriously.

But a child wanting nourishment, touch or interaction is not selfish, greedy, or intentionally trying to control your life. Their cues for these basic needs are instinctive survival mechanisms that ensure a child will develop normally and healthy. These instincts have been developed over millennia – our hunter-gatherer ancestors constantly held babies and nursed them as frequently as four times per hour, and many hunter-gatherer style cultures still do today. And as we know, unconditionally nurturing your child's cues for nourishment, touch and interaction does the very opposite of creating a manipulative child – it produces trusting, caring, compassionate, empathetic and intelligent little human beings.

The trick with forming attachment, is that even if it seems foreign to you in the beginning, the more experiences you and your child have together, the stronger the attachment between you both grows, and the easier, more enjoyable, motivating, and loving the relationship becomes.