The Purpose of a Mother Blessing

A Mother Blessing ceremony helps mark a powerful transition in a woman’s life and prepare her mind, body and spirit for leaping into the unknown. Friends, family and loved ones, usually women, gather together to wrap the mother in love and positivity. A Mother Blessing should end with the expectant woman feeling empowered and embraced by the love and strength of her tribe. (Description adapted from Nancy Lucina)

The Roots of the Mother Blessing Ceremony

Navajo Dancer, Credit: Erin Ford

The Mother Blessing ceremony is an adaptation of an ancient Navajo ceremony called a Blessingway. Participants of a Blessingway honour, pamper, and prepare the pregnant mother for her journey through birth into motherhood. The Navajo use the Blessing Way Ceremony for many purposes, not just for pregnancy and birth.  It is a ceremony performed for any event or transition that is hoped to have a positive outcome, such as menstruation, menopause, or engagement.

To honour the traditions of the Navajo, it is recommended women don’t conduct a Blessingway unless they are of Native American decent. Instead, women can adapt the traditions into their own unique ceremony - many mothers choose to use the term “Mother Blessing Ceremony”.

There are many forms of Blessingway ceremonies, and you can adapt or create rituals to fit the mother's own spiritual beliefs and lifestyle. The ceremony can be short or long, incorporating many rituals or a few. There is no right or wrong way to celebrate a pregnancy.

Individualizing the Ceremony

Guest List

You should consider the guestlist carefully. Be sure to ask the mother who she would like to attend and who she would prefer did not. It’s important the experience is entirely uplifting for her. A Mother Blessing is an intimate and spiritual affair in comparison to a baby shower where a mother may feel obligated to invite a long list people she doesn't necessarily feel positively connected with. Guests who attend do so to honour the mother, to shower her with love and support. Each word spoken is positive and filled with love, joy, and compassion. It is a place void of gossip, judgement, or fear.

Babysitting

If the mother has older children discuss with her who she would like to look after her children for the day. She may prefer to keep her kids close and even have them participate in the ceremony but have someone help when needed.

Location

Mother Blessing Space, Credit: Inken Arntzen

Ideally, a Mother Blessing is hosted somewhere other than the mother’s home. As a Mother Blessing is centered around honouring the mother, she should not feel pressured to prepare her home for or to serve guests. However, if mum is planning to have a home birth, she may want to infuse her home with the beautiful energy that the Mother Blessing brings. Speak to her and make sure to choose a location where she will feel comfortable.

Keep in mind that a Mother Blessing doesn't have to be at someone's home - a retreat or hotel room can be booked, or a beautiful park, reserve, or community garden can be utilized.

Create an Intimate Space

Create a beautiful, sacred space for guests to relax, share, and celebrate. Think about soft music the mother may appreciate, display candles, and place cushions, rugs, and blankets in an intimate circle for guests to sit. The circle is key to a Mother Blessing - it helps create a sense of unity and support.

Time Frame

Mother Blessings can last an hour, a couple of hours, or an entire day.  It depends on the preferences of the mother and the chosen activities - bellycasting or henna painting can take an hour or more. You may find guests are engaging well so decide to extend the ceremony to accommodate them. You could plan an afternoon Mother Blessing that ends with a potluck dinner, or begin with a lunch before delving into the ceremony.

A sample itinerary might look like this:

2.00pm - Guests arrive: guests choose a place to sit, provide refreshments & healthy nibbles
2.30pm - Open ceremony: welcome guests, state intentions, opening prayer, guests introduce themselves, light candles, create centrepiece
3.00pm - Pamper the mother: flower crown, pedicure, manicure, braid hair, massage
4.00pm - Gift giving
4.30pm - Creative time: beaded bracelet, affirmation stones
5.00pm - Sharing time: guests share written blessings, mothering wisdom, birth stories, create help list
6.00pm - Close ceremony: thank guests for coming, hand out candles, closing prayer
6.15pm - Dinner

Photography

This is likely an event the mother will want to remember. Find out if she would like to hire a professional photographer or if she has a friend with a talent for photography who can do the honours.

Invitations

Depending on which activities you decide you’d like to do, you may decide to ask your guests to bring certain things in the invite. These may include:

• A written note for a Blessing Box
• An object for a centerpiece
• A special bead for a bracelet or necklace
• A beautiful flower for a floral crown
• A gift for to include in a care package
• A plate of healthy, nourishing food to share - depending on whether you're choosing to cater yourself, hire caterers, or have a pot luck

You'll also want to include a short description of the purpose of a Mother Blessing for guests who are unaware. The wording in an invite might look something like this:

As a cherished friend of Sarah please join­­ us for a Mother Blessing

Evolving from a traditional Navajo ceremony, a Mother Blessing is a sacred gathering celebrating the upcoming birth of an expectant mother. A close group of female family and friends gather to pamper, support, and empower the mother with wisdom and confidence in preparation for childbirth and motherhood.

Graciously bring...

A beautiful flower. This will be used to create a floral crown for Sarah to wear during the ceremony.

A medium sized bead. This will be be used to create a bracelet for Sarah to wear during her labour to remind her of your support.

A blessing of love and encouragement written on the enclosed card. This can be something you've written or sourced from another author. It can be in the form a verse, prayer, special wish, quote, poem, or song lyric. We will share the blessings with Sarah during the ceremony then place them in a Blessing Box for the her to cherish.

A healthy dish to share.

If you are unable to attend the ceremony but would like to offer your support for Sarah please send your bead and written blessing to [address of host] before [date of ceremony].

Mother Blessing hosted with love by [the host]
Please RSVP to [contact details of host] by [one week before ceremony]

Mother Blessing Invitation, Credit: Green Door Handmade

Opening the Ceremony

Welcome Your Guests and State Your Intentions

Like any ceremony or gathering you should have an opening, body, and a closing. Mother Blessings are usually conducted with participants seated in a circle which symbolizes strength and unity and so that everyone can participate equally.

The ceremony should start with a welcome greeting from the host. If your guests are new to Mother Blessings, explain what your ceremony is and what you will be doing. Explain that it is meant to support the mother and positively prepare her for labor. Sample introduction:

“Welcome everyone and thank you for coming to Sarah’s Mother Blessing Ceremony."

"For those of you who don’t know what a Mother Blessing is, it is a ceremony adapted from the ancient Navajo Native American Blessingway ceremony. It involves honoring, pampering, and preparing the pregnant mother for her journey through birth into motherhood, and involves the participation of everyone."

"First we will be performing an opening ritual, after which we will be pampering Sarah by creating a flower headdress for her, giving her a pedicure, manicure, braiding her hair, and giving her a massage. Next we will each give her the gifts we have brought. After that we will be doing a range of activities, these include creating a beaded bracelet and affirmation stones. Next will be a time are sharing, we'll be sharing our blessings, prayers, poems, quotes, or affirmations we have brought for Sarah and collate them in the Blessing Box. We will be writing our pearls of wisdom in the Mothers Book of Wisdom, and sharing  the things we most loved about our own births. Lastly we'll be creating a Help List for Sarah."

"Before we get started, I’d like to ask you to join hands in prayer."

Cast the Circle

The circle is meant to be a safe confidential space that allows guests to open themselves to each other. To cast the circle any form of prayer is fine, but one way you can do this is to hold hands and say together:

“Let us form this circle with clear thoughts, wise words, and kind hearts.” (Adapted from Karina Robinson)

Introductions

Each guest should have a turn to introduce themselves. A nice touch to add would be to have each guest also “introduce” her mother, grandmothers, and children by sharing their names with the group.

Lighting Candles

Credit: Vicki Hobbs

Provide a candle for each guest and have them light their candle from the central candle (the mother’s candle), then place their candle next to the mother’s as a symbol of support for the mother and their inclusion in the ceremony.

At the end of the Mother Blessing, extinguish the candles and have each guest take their candle home. When the mother goes into labour, message the guests so they can light the candle in her honor, keeping it burning until the baby is born.

The Body of a Mother Blessing

Transition into your Mother Blessing ritual activities. There is no set order for conducting each ritual, so you can do them in whatever order makes sense to you. You may wish to first tell your guests which rituals you will be performing. You can play music or sing songs during each activity.

Credit: Grace Ceremonies

Pampering

Typically, grooming of the expecting mother is done first. You may choose to wash the mother's feet in warm water gently scented by essential oils, brush and braid her hair, give her a manicure, pedicure, facial, or massage.

Anointing with Oil

This is a beautiful way to endow confidence in a mother. Give each guest a slip of paper that tells them a specific body part to anoint. An example:

"I anoint your head, may your intuition guide the decisions you will make in the coming years. I anoint your chest, may your heart be filled with love, acceptance, compassion and forgiveness. I anoint your breasts, may they produce abundant milk for your baby. I anoint your hips, may they allow for an easy and empowering birth. I anoint your hands, may they cradle your baby with divine love. I anoint your feet, may they ground you and keep you centered."

Laying of Hands

Laying of hands is an especially unifying and supportive ritual - the power of touch is unmistakable. Have each guest place their hands on the pregnant woman’s belly (if she is comfortable with this) and say a blessing, prayer, affirmation, or sing a song in unison.

Laying of Hands, Credit: Brigid's Grove

Gifts

After the mother is feeling completely indulged, guests can present her with gifts.

Activities

There are a multitude of activities to choose from! You may choose to create a birthing bracelet, birthing wreath, belly cast, belly painting, affirmation stones or whatever activities you have prepared for the Mother Blessing (for a full list of activities see further down the post). You do not need to do all of these! Choose the ones that appeal the most to the expecting mother and fit into the allotted time frame. But, if you have all day, by all means try them all! “Wrist binding” can be a very nice way to end the main part of the ceremony as everyone is joined together and then cut apart.

Closing a Blessingway

Once the expecting mother has been showered with Mother Blessing rituals, you can close the ceremony by first making sure that each guest has had a chance to share what they wanted to share with the expecting mother.

To close the ceremony, a song, poem, affirmation, or prayer sung/read together while holding hands can be a nice way to bring the group together one last time. The Bracelet Binding ritual is also a lovely ritual to do at end of the ceremony (see details towards the bottom of the post).

Thank your guests for coming and for the positive energy they imbued on the celebration. If you are giving favors - such as a candle for the candle ritual - make sure to remind your guests to take one. If you are doing the candle and bracelet binding rituals also be sure to collect everyone's contact details to let them know when the mother is in labour and when the baby is born.

Open the Circle

Lastly, to open the circle ask your guests to hold hands and say together:

“Our circle is now open, but remains unbroken.”

Time to Feast

Sharing food together is traditionally a central part of the Mother Blessing. You may choose to hire caterers, cater yourself, or have each guest bring a plate of healthy, nourishing food.

Credit: The Organic Kitchen

Blessingway Activities

Make a Crown of Flowers

This is a delightful way to help the mother feel beautiful and honored. Ask each guest to bring a flower and weave the flowers into a crown using additional foliage, florist wire, and florist tape. For instructions see this post from Flowers Across Melbourne florist blog.

Flower Crown, Credit: Adelaideup

Beaded Bracelet

This is a favourite for many mothers and a nice way to get everyone - not just those attending the event -  involved in supporting the mother. Have each guest bring or send a bead they have picked for the mother. The bead should be something the guest has picked with the mother in mind. At the Mother Blessing pass a piece of jewelry thread around the circle, allowing each guest to say a blessing to the mother before threading her bead. Once each guest has threaded their own bead, have them continue around the circle by threading the beads and reading the blessings of any loved ones who couldn't attend the ceremony.

The mother can then keep the beads close - during pregnancy, labor, and beyond - to remind her of her support circle. Many mothers have said that these birth beads give them strength and focus during labor.

Mother Blessing Beads, Credit: Loving a Glutenfree Life

Prayers, Poems, and Blessings

Ask each guest to bring or send something they've found or written for the mother. This can be a thought, quote, poem, song lyric, blessing, or prayer - something that endows positivity and support for the mother. In your wording you may want to consider the mothers specific circumstances. Is she a first time mother? Is she still healing from a previous miscarriage or difficult birth? Is she planning on a VBAC? Has she expressed specific concerns about birth or motherhood? You can compile the written notes into a small, beautiful Blessing Book or Blessing Box for the mother. Friends and family unable to attend can send their written messages via mail, electronically, or send audio or video recordings. You can find a great collection of birth poems here and here.

Credit: Homebirth Aotearoa

Book of Mothering Wisdom

Have mothering friends write or send gentle mothering wisdom for the pregnant mother. This could be in the form of a thought, quote, poem, song lyric, blessing, or prayer - whatever each mother wants to contribute. Have each mother take turns reading her contribution before adding it to a book. Friends and family unable to attend can send their written messages via mail, electronically, or send audio or video recordings.

Credit: Ann Landers

Share Positive Birth Experiences

Empower the mother-to-be by sharing positive birth experiences with her. Take turns going around the room telling what you most enjoyed about your births.

Credit:  Maria Shytova

Centering the Mother

Help refill the mothers spiritual cup by each expressing what qualities you love about her or recounting a sweet or fun story about her.

"Blessings" by Veronica Petrie

Releasing Fear

This ritual is best done at the beginning of the Mother Blessing so that guests may release their fears and feel free to focus on the ceremony.

"The purpose of the ceremony is to identify and symbolically release old hurts, grudges, resentments, regrets, sufferings, mistakes… to release the past letting go of any thoughts,  feelings or behaviors that might be holding you back." - The Compassionate Gardener

For this ritual ask each guest write down their fear on a piece of paper, then starting with the mother, each participant puts their piece of paper in a "burning bowl" where they're safely burnt. You can end the ritual by saying:

“By burning these things, we release our fears. May we now be free to focus our minds and hearts upon the present moment.”

Burning Bowl Ceremony, Credit: Michael Woods

Birthing Flags

Have guests decorate a small fabric flag with an inspirational image, phrase, affirmation, or design that relates to birthing or feeling empowered. The guests then bring or send the flags to the Mother Blessing, where they read or explain the meaning behind their flag, before connecting each piece of fabric with a cord. The expecting mother can hang the flags in her birthing space.

Credit: Hourglass Photography

Wishing Tree

This is a sweet activity commonly done at baby showers, birthdays, engagements, and weddings and which would fit in well at a Mother Blessing. Create a miniature tree from a branch and place it in a pretty pot. Have each guest write a wish for the new mother using decorative paper/cards. Tie the wishes to the tree as “leaves.” The wishes can later be collected for the mother and cherished in a "Wish Book" or "Wish Box".

Wishing Tree, Credit: Project Nursery

River Stones

Provide each guest with a smooth river stone. Ask the guests to think of a word they would like the pregnant mother to focus on before and during labor. Each guest should write her word on the stone, then everyone can share why they chose their word.

Credit: Breathe Doula Care, Portland

Belly Cast

A belly cast is a slightly messy and light-hearted activity that will bring smiles all around. It's actually fairly straight forward and each guest can take turns applying the plaster bandage. It also gives the mother a lovely keepsake of her pregnant body. Alternatively the mother can bring her premade belly cast and each participant can paint/write an affirmation or design.

Credit: Mother & Baby UK

Belly Painting

Another fun activity is to paint the mother's belly. You can use henna paints or any non-toxic (preferably natural) body paints. The mother may have a design she would like, something of special significance. You can talk it over with the mother beforehand and decide what she would like. Henna paint may work especially well because it could last until the birth, if the mother wants. A nice touch would be to henna each hand of the guests as well, symbolically connecting each participant in the circle.

Mother Blessing Henna, Credit: Healing Henna

Candle Jars

There are a multitude of beautiful ways to decorate candle jars. You may choose to use glass paint, gold leaf, colorful or patterned tissue paper, glitter, lace, ribbon etc. You can have each participant bring jars from home or provide them for your guests. If having a homebirth, candles can be lit in the jars during labor to create a beautiful glow and remind the mother of her support circle. You can find instructions for the below jars here.

Decorated Candle Jars, Credit: Rach Speed

Nature Mobile or Wreath

Ask each guest to bring something from nature (a dried flower, a crystal, foliage etc.). Incorporate the objects into a simple wreath or mobile  – it can grace the mother’s birthing space and/or can be enjoyed by the new baby. Guests can also choose to tie small gifts or affirmations to the wreath.

Wreath, Credit: Terrain

Plant a Garden

For the pregnant mother who loves plants, ask each guest to bring a small perennial plant the mother can keep in her house or plant at her leisure.

Credit: El Jardin De Gaia

Embroidered Blanket

Ask each guest to write a short note or design on a plain blanket with fabric markers. Then someone with a talent for embroidery can embroider over the marker to keep the notes and designs intact.

Credit: Celeste Johnston

Decorate Baby Clothes

Ask each guest to bring a onesie or other plain cotton baby clothing to decorate. You can use freezer stencils, appliqué fabric markers, or any other simple craft ideas.

Labor/Motherhood CD

Ask each guest to send a special song that will be burned onto a CD that the mother can listen to (during labor if appropriate). Each guest can share why she chose the song. You can find a beautiful album specifically made for Mother Blessing ceremonies here (pictured below).

Blessingway Songs,by Copperwoman & the 2005 Esalen Midwives Retreat Choir

Online or Powerpoint Blessingway

Especially good for friends who cannot come to an in person ceremony, gather photos of the pregnant mother during pregnancy, with friends, etc and put them together with special words of love from the mother’s support system. Add in an appropriate piece of music, and you have a beautiful keepsake.

Care Package

Ask each guest to bring a gift to include in a care package. This could be nipple ointment, body butter, facial masks, hair oil, essential oils, scented heat pack, a selection of teas, bath salts, a voucher for a massage or manicure etc.

New Mother Care Package Credit: Sweet Gum Botanicals

Help List

Sign up each guest for a period of housework, childcare of other siblings, and other chores in the days after the baby is born. Consider having each participant write down a meal that they are committed to bringing for the mother after her baby is born. Alternately each participant can bring a pre-made frozen meal, if the mother has space in her freezer. You or another participant can also take responsibility for organizing and overseeing the help. The mother shouldn't have to do anything. At the Mother Blessing tell her of your plans and assure her you have it all taken care of.

Freezer Meal Ideas, Credit: New Leaf Wellness

Binding Bracelet

This is a wonderful way to close the circle and to symbolize to the mother that she is supported and connected to the women in the circle. One at a time starting with the mother, a ball of yarn or cord (usually red) is wrapped around each participants wrist twice and then passed on to the woman next to her who does the same. Once all participants have bound their wrists some words can be spoken about the web of connectivity and support within the mothers circle of loved ones. An example:

"We are the flow, we are the ebb, we are the weavers, we are the web."

Each woman then takes a turn to cut the strings of the woman next to her and ties it to her wrist. The bracelets stays on until the mother births her baby.

Binding Bracelet, Credit: Paper Bluejay

Sources:
How To Conduct A Blessingway
http://snowboardmommy.com/mother-blessings/how-to-conduct-a-mother-blessing/
Blessingway Ceremonies
http://fresnodoula.com/otherServices/motherBlessing.html
Planning A Blessingway
http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/blessingway.html
Blessingway Sample Ceremony
https://blessingsbyashleigh.weebly.com/blessingway-sample-ceremony.html
30 Ideas for Mother Blessing Ceremonies
http://codenamemother.com/2011/10/26/mother-blessings/
Positive Birth Group-Davis County: Mother Blessing Ceremonies
https://myutahdoulas.com/2017/03/17/pbg-mother-blessings/
What is a Blessingway Ceremony?
https://aparaba.com/conscious-birth/blessingway-ceremony/
Blessingways
https://twincitiesmidwifery.wordpress.com/2015/04/23/blessingways/
Mother Blessing Ceremony
http://sacredpathbirth.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/MotherBlessingCeremony-overview-1.pdf
Blessingway
http://www.mysticmamma.com/blessing-way/

I’ve often heard touted that nothing can prepare the body for childbirth or that nothing we do can possibly make the physical experience any different. It’s a common misconception. While it’s true that there’s few experiences that come near to the physical intensity of childbirth, there are indeed a range of techniques that can help prepare the body for the physical requirements of childbirth.

Muscles of the Pelvic Floor
The birthing process requires the coordinated effort of different muscles, in particular the pelvic floor muscles. The pelvic floor is made up of several muscles that support the pelvic organs like a hammock. These muscles are under voluntary control, meaning you decide when to contract or relax them.

During labour the pelvic floor muscles are supposed to relax allowing the baby to descend as surges (contractions) nudge baby down further and further until born. While the pelvic floor muscles are relaxing, muscles of the abdomen also contract to help push the baby out during the decent stage.

Women who are anxious during labour tend to contract instead of relax the pelvic floor muscles, meaning when baby nudges downward with the force of surges or voluntary abdominal muscle contraction, baby is effectively pushing against an unyielding muscular wall. When a labouring woman experiences pelvic pain, this may cause her to involuntarily tighten her pelvic floor muscles, creating a cycle of ongoing pelvic pain and increased pelvic floor muscle tension.

The major muscles of the pelvic floor are the levator ani, puborectalis, pubovaginalis, and spincter urethrae (pictured below).


Promoting Pelvic Floor Relaxation

Exercise 1: The Elevator
This exercise is done to gain full control of the pelvic floor muscles, increase flexibility, and develop awareness of tension/relaxation, which is important for labour.

1. This exercise may be done in any position, although one that eliminates the forces of gravity, such as lying down, is easier.
2. Imagine you are riding in an elevator. As you ascend to each floor, try to draw up the perineal muscles a little more until you reach complete tension. When you reach your limit, don't let go.
3. Now descend, floor-by-floor, gradually relaxing the muscles. When you arrive at the ground floor (no tension), take the muscle group to the basement with a gentle blowing out breath through pursed lips. This should feel as if the perineum is bulging. This is very gentle bulging of the pelvic floor, bearing down too strongly can be counterproductive.
4. Complete the exercise by lifting up the muscle back to the ground floor level.
5. Repeat the entire exercise and remember to breathe normally as you tighten the pelvic floor muscles. To start with, do 5 in a series, holding each muscle contraction for 5 seconds, then releasing. Try to gradually build up to a series of 50.

Practice this exercise everywhere! This exercise can be done without anyone being aware of what you are doing. Some ideas: At red traffic lights, while cooking or brushing teeth, during commercials on TV, during sexual intercourse, anytime you are waiting, especially while standing, when coughing, sneezing, laughing, lifting, climbing stairs, straining, or squatting.

Exercise 2: Pelvic Floor Relaxation
This is a relaxation exercise which should not only help to relax your muscles but also relax your mind.

Source: http://www.michellealva.com

1. Lie down on a comfortable surface on your back.
2. Place the soles of your feet together and open up your hips.
3. Extend your arms straight out form your sides.
4. Take a deep breath in through the nose into the pit of your stomach focusing on relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. Breath into your diaphragm.
5. Exhale slowly while maintaining focus on relaxing your muscles.
6. Visualise your pelvic floor muscles relaxing and warmth pouring into the pelvic floor region.
7. A warm pack placed over the pubic area or lower abdomen can assist pelvic floor relaxation if desired.
8. Try to relax for about 20 minutes.

Exercise 3 : Easy Pelvic Floor Stretch
This stretch will give you a pleasant stretch to your pelvic muscles as well as giving your muscles a chance to relax.

Source: slism.com

1. Warm up with some light stretches to get your blood moving.
2. Lie Flat on your back in a comfortable spot or yoga/exercise mat.
3. Place a folded over pillow (foam rollers, and other semi-firm shaped objects can be used) under your buttocks or upper thighs.
4. Spread your arms directly out to your sides or stretching out above your head flat on the floor for a more intense stretch.
5. Hold this position and breathe deeply focusing on relaxing your pelvic floor muscles.
6. You should find as you take a deep breath into your diaphragm that you pelvic floor muscles will naturally relax, also relax your anus and surrounding muscles if you are prone to hold tension in these areas.
7. Do this exercise for 10-15 minutes a day to help promote relaxation in your pelvic floor muscles.

Note: Always consult your physical therapist or doctor before performing any new exercises. This exercise can put a bit of strain on your lower back and abdominals so please take it easy and start with a smaller pillow and work your way up.

The KEY to this exercise is to have your pelvic bone as the highest point to not just relieve the pressure of the weight of your body bearing down on your pelvic muscles but to help produce an effective stretch.
The video below will also help you in loosening those tight hip rotators in order to perform the pelvic floor relaxation easier: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BW1tskfu7cI

Exercise 4 : Pelvic Floor Massage - The Tennis Ball
Massage can be a very useful tool in fighting pelvic floor tightness. When used to loosen tight muscles before a stretching session you should experience better range of movement and a more intense stretch. The muscle we are primarily trying to target here is the perineum which for women between the vagina and anus. This is a common exercise used by dancers to push blood through the pelvic floor muscles and encourage the pelvic muscles to relax.

1. Warm up before this exercise, either with a quick jog on the spot or heat pad on the perineum just to warm up the muscles before massage.
2. Sitting on a chair or on the floor, place the tennis ball under your perineum and gently ease your body weight onto it.
3. Breathe deeply and relax into the ball focusing on relaxing your perineum and surrounding muscles.
4. You may feel involuntary contractions try to focus and prevent these from occurring.
5. Stop after 3-5 minutes.

Vaginal Dilator Therapy
Vaginal dilators (shown below) are designed with progressively increasing length and/or diameter, and are used to help a woman become accustomed to vaginal penetration and to help train pelvic floor muscle relaxation. Vaginal dilators are usually used in the comfort and privacy of your own home.


The Epi-No vaginal dilator is designed to prepare the vagina and pelvic floor for childbirth and to restore after-birth muscle tone. It consists of a silicone balloon and a hand pump with an integrated Biofeedback pressure gauge to monitor muscle-tone improvement of the pelvic floor muscles.
The German Epi-No Trial (Schuchardt et al. 2000) measured Anxiety, Analgesic Use, Length of Second Stage Labour, Perineal Outcomes and Apgar Scores after 1 and 5 minutes. The Trial found that..." with daily EPI-NO training it is possible to reduce the anxiety of birth significantly. By reducing anxiety of birth it is also possible to shorten the second stage of labour as well as the analgesics requirements. By a slower, more gentle pre-expansion of vulva and vagina regulated by the woman herself, it has been possible to reduce injuries to the vulva as well as the vagina significantly." You can buy the Epi-No here: http://www.epino.de/en/epi-no.html

Biofeedback
Pelvic floor relaxation can be practiced with specialized physical therapy known as biofeedback. Biofeedback helps to improve a woman’s pelvic floor muscle sensation and coordination. There are various effective techniques used in biofeedback. The most effective technique uses a small probe placed in the vagina (the Epi-No pictured above is one such device) or electrodes placed on the surface of the skin around the opening to the vagina and on the abdominal wall. These instruments detect when a muscle is contracting or relaxing and provide visual feedback of the muscle action. This visual feedback helps the individual understand muscle movement and aids in improving muscle coordination. Approximately 75% of individuals experience significant improvement with biofeedback. For more information on biofeedback for pelvic floor relaxation see the following links:
Pelvic floor biofeedback video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=731f9aDlG5Y
Study on pelvic floor biofeedback: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19966605
Detailed instructions: http://my.clevelandclinic.org/Documents/Digestive_Disease/woc-spring-symposium-2013/biofeedback-for-pelvic-floor-muscle-reeducation.pdf

Other Manual Therapy for the Pelvic Floor Muscles
A trained pelvic floor physiotherapist may use specific methods to promote pelvic floor relaxation and to re-educate the correct activation of these muscles. Pelvic floor physiotherapists are highly trained and skilled in manual therapy techniques for the pelvic floor. These methods are usually progressed gradually over time and may involve:

• Desensitising the pelvic area to touch (using physical touch or vaginal dilators)
• Identifying specific areas of pelvic tension
• Pelvic floor stretches
• Massage techniques
• Treating concurrent conditions which may present along with pelvic floor tightness such as problems with pelvic joints (SIJ joints), tailbone problems and low back problems.
• Progressive strengthening of the pelvic floor muscles only when appropriate.

A Few Points to Remember About the Pelvic Floor

• Always be conscious of your pelvic floor muscles, if you find yourself contracting them. Relax and let them release their tension. Train your body and your mind to relax these muscles fully.
• Pelvic floor relaxation is important but always remember whenever you are lifting anything heavy or performing vigorous exercises your pelvic floor muscles are required to contract strongly and tense in order to hold all your organs securely and support your body weight. Reteach your muscles to relax and contract when required.
• During colder weather you may find your pelvic floor muscles are sometimes impossible to relax, use hot baths or steam rooms to help you fight the cold tight muscles.
• Please be aware of your posture, don't lean on one leg or have your feet pointed outwards or two far in. All these types of things will put undue stress on pelvic floor muscles as they try to compensate for poor posture.

Strengthening the Abdominals
Why would you strengthen your abdominals during pregnancy you may ask? During the decent (or ‘pushing’) stage of labour strong abdominals play a major role in pushing baby out. Strong abdominals also support the exaggerated curve of the spine that occurs during pregnancy, and decreases the chances of the rectus abdominus (the 6 pack muscles) from separating (a condition called ‘diastasis’). Keep in mind that there is always a balance between strength and flexibility. Any muscle that is too toned, may lose its ability to stretch properly.

Is There a Right or Wrong Way to Push?

A common phrase in labour wards is to "hold your breath for 10 seconds, bear down, and push" (also called ‘purple pushing’, ‘closed glottis pushing’, or the ‘Valsalva Manuever ‘) . This puts a lot of pressure and strain on the pelvic floor muscles, possibly contributing to incontinence and hemorrhoid issues. Purple pushing can contribute to increased blood pressure, stress to the baby and popping blood vessels. As a reflex response the amount of blood pumped by the heart decreases. Death has been known to occur in cases where the blood pressure rises enough to cause the rupture of an aneurysm or to dislodge blood clots. In releasing the breath blood pressure falls; this, coupled with standing up quickly, commonly results in the incidence of blackouts. Women do not need to hold their breath. Breathing is much more effective and safe.

A More Effective Way to Use Your Muscles
Women who learn how to contract their abdominals and breathe out at the same time during labor, will get the most effective push possible. The pelvic floor muscles need to be relaxed during pushing in order to ‘let baby through’, which is easier to do if you are breathing out. Relaxed pelvic floor muscles also mean less stress will be put on those pelvic muscles, reducing the risk of incontinence and hemorrhoids.


Most Important Muscles
The deep transversus abdominis is the innermost abdominal muscle. It encircles your trunk like a corset and involuntarily contracts when you sneeze, exhale, or pull your belly in.

The action of this muscle compresses the abdominal cavity, and yes, it can also help you push during labor. During the decent stage of labor, you ideally draw in the deep transversus abdominis muscle and relax the pelvic floor to let the baby out. This mode of action will allow you to more effectively push your baby out rather than relying on pressure and tension from the rest of your body (eg. face, jaw, shoulders, arms, and legs).

Celeste from Mom Bod Fitness blog offers an interesting analogy (though she originally used a ketchup bottle for this analogy):

Picture a 1/2 full toothpaste tube. If you turned it upside down and wanted to get all of the toothpaste out, you wouldn't squeeze near the cap, you could barely get anything out. This is what happens when women try to push a baby out with their pelvic floor muscles. But if you squeeze the bottle up higher, from behind the bulk of the toothpaste, you will be more effective at getting it all out! When women use their transverse abs (up higher) they can do a much better job pushing the baby out. Just like the base at the bottom of the toothpaste tube should be open and relaxed, so should the pelvic floor muscles.

Toning the Abdominals
Transverse abdominus muscles can be toned using an exercise involving deep slow exhalations of the breath.

1. Get into a position either lying flat on your back on the floor, on your hands and knees, or upright with your back against a wall. You might like to place a palm on your belly while you do this exercise.
2. While trying to maintain a flat back, inhale deeply and release the muscle tone of the belly. Exhale deeply contracting the transverse. Imagine that with each exhalation you are tightening a corset around your middle and drawing their baby closer to your spine.
3. You could also imagine that you have a 30cm ruler next to you. As you contract the abdominal wall, try to bring the belly into the 20cm mark on the ruler.
4. Each time the belly is drawn in, count out loud. 1-2-and so forth. You can start by just counting up to 20 and throughout time maybe move up to 75 or 100.

Preventing Diastasis
Beyond understanding how to strengthen the abdominal region, it is important to understand how not to exasperate the diastasis. While it is normal to have some separation of the rectus abdominus muscles during pregnancy, more extreme diastasis can be prevented from just a few mindful movements.
Be mindful about movements like:

• The way a woman gets in and out of bed or a chair, and how she lifts things can often increase separation.
• “Kicking up” to seated from a reclined position or pushing up to standing when seated.
• Moving from an upright position to a supine position without either using their arms to lower herself. Ideally they should be rolling to their side and then onto their back
• Lifting heavy objects (or small children) incorrectly
• Navasana which tends to “bulge the belly.”

All of these movements can be detrimental, as these actions usually cause a woman to push her belly out. That pushing out of the belly can in fact push the rectus abdominus apart can also cause extreme separation, as it can force the uterine wall to push between the rectus abdominus, increasing the separation between them.



Sources:
http://expectus.hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Relax-Your-Pelvic-Floor-Muscles-Pelvic-Floor-Dysfunction#
http://www.med.umich.edu/bowelcontrol/patient/teaching/Bowel%20Function.pdf
http://www.fascrs.org/patients/conditions/pelvic_floor_dysfunction/
http://www.fitpregnancy.com/exercise/prenatal-workouts/ready-set-push
http://prenatalyogacenter.com/blog/your-abdominal-muscles-can-help-you-push-your-baby-out/
http://exerciseandpregnancy.blogspot.co.nz/2011/10/using-right-muscles-to-push-during.html

Pain level during childbirth is different for every woman, depending on many different factors ranging from health conditions, nutrient deficiencies, to stress level. Childbirth does however have some distinctive sensations:

Wavelike uterine tightening
Contractions occur when the vertical uterine muscles contract. Like your bicep muscle when you flex it, your uterine muscles shorten and thicken during each contraction, gently nudging baby further down the birth canal.
Not surprisingly, many women describe contractions as a tightening, pulling, or cramping sensation in the belly lasting for about 60 seconds during active labor, then releasing at the cessation of each contraction. The tightening is wavelike. It grows steadily in strength, reaching a peak, before receding back down. The tightening sensation can be dull or sharp feeling, and will usually radiate from the uterus traveling around the back and pubic area during the contraction.
During contractions it’s important to relax the muscles in the pelvic area. This will lessen the tightening sensation, and allow the labor to progress more efficiently.
Back pain
We tend to think of labor pain as occurring in the belly, but for those birthing with a posterior positioned baby, the back pain can be more intense than the contractions. This back pain can also be more constant than the periodical pain of contractions, as the baby may constantly press on the mothers spine throughout the birth.
There are many effective techniques for managing back labor. These focus on either repositioning baby in a more comfortable position for the mother, relieving pressure on the mothers spine, or massaging and relieving her sore muscles.

Recommended position for alleviating back-pain during "back-labour" (posterior positioned baby)

Pain in other areas
Because childbirth can last a long time other areas of the body, especially those that aren’t usually used, may ache from over use. In particular legs, hips, and the rectal areas may begin to ache. This is another reason why relaxation is essential in childbirth. Muscle tension due to stress wears out muscles, providing no benefit, unlike the beneficial muscular contractions of the uterus. By relaxing muscles, birthing women are able to conserve much needed energy for the uterus, where it is really needed.
Staying well nourished and hydrated is also crucial to efficient muscle function. Without important nutrients such as water, sugar, salt, calcium, magnesium, and potassium, muscles begin to fatigue, then inflame, resulting in pain. Providing birthing women with a nourishing drink such as ‘Laborade’ is an excellent way to ensure muscles have the nutrients to go the distance.

Rectal pressure
As baby descends you will feel strong rectal pressure, like you need to pass a stool. Many women may go to the toilet at this stage thinking that they need to pass a stool, only to find there is none. Instead the rectal pressure continues to get stronger and stronger as baby descends, until finally the baby emerges. So if you feel like you need to poop, it‘s a great sign baby is descending well.
Bearing down
During the second stage of labor, when baby’s head has fully passed through the cervix, you’ll begin to feel an instinctive urge to bear down. Many women describe bearing down as a relief, providing some measure of control and alleviating the pain of contractions. The realization that baby is almost out is very exciting, the atmosphere in the room really livens up at this stage.

Stretching and burning
When baby is crowning it is typical to feel a stretching and burning sensation around the opening of the vagina. Tearing the perineum is a common concern for birthing women, but ironically it’s that fear experienced during crowning that may cause the perineum to tear. It‘s crucial during crowning to fully relax the pelvic muscles to avoid tearing or restricting baby’s oxygen supply.

Euphoria
During childbirth the body produces massive amounts of oxytocin and endorphins, hormones that typically dull pain and make you feel euphoric and sedated. As birth progresses the body produces increasing amounts of these hormones, resulting in an experience known as a ‘birth high’. This ‘high’ helps the mother cope with pain, and when baby is finally born, helps mother and baby to bond. The hormones can sometimes make women feel a little out of control, while other women sink into the experience and describe feeling very centered. It’s important for women to relax and know that this experience is normal and beneficial.

Exhaustion
It’s well known that birth can be physically exhausting, with a large chunk of that exhaustion attributed to stress related tension. With the onset of a contraction a common reaction is to tense in preparation for the pain, which ironically increases the sensation of pain and uses up vital energy reserves in the process. When bearing down in the second phase of labour, again a common reaction is to tense and strain muscles. While the second phase may be slightly shortened by this mode of action, it increases the risk of tissue trauma, fetal hypoxia, and most definitely contributes to exhaustion. To counteract the tendency to tense muscles, techniques that focus on relaxing muscles can be used. Water birth is well known to relax muscles, along with hypnotherapy, positive affirmations, massage, and acupressure. Creating a calm, stress free environment is also key.
Birthing women may also experience mental exhaustion. It can take extreme amounts of mental effort to consciously relax tensed muscles, or focus the mind on something other than the pain. The tears and smiles when baby is born aren’t just about the beautiful baby, they’re also prompted by relief, knowing the mammoth task is finally over. Like physical exhaustion, mental exhaustion can be reduced by practicing relaxation techniques, such as hypnotherapy and positive affirmations, throughout pregnancy and birth. Supporters can help a birthing mother by giving her abundant encouragement and praise, guiding her through her relaxation techniques, reassuring her when she becomes doubtful, and ensuring the atmosphere in the room remains calm and stress free.

by Amanda Greavette

The beauty of birth
For many women birth is the most painful experience they’ve been through, but also the most amazing and beautiful experience. It has been described as “the most beautiful pain ever felt”. A birthing woman’s body provides her with painkilling hormones, giving her the ability to experience both intense pleasure and pain at the same time. When baby finally emerges, the pain subsides and she is left with a cocktail of hormones, a euphoric birth high, imprinting her baby’s face in her memories forever. The experience is passionate, instinctive and powerful.

Realise that knowing the benefits of natural birth will be invaluable during birth. 

When you hit a wall of doubt in your ability during birth – which most women do – knowing what you're working for will give you the motivation needed to push through. Natural birth means avoiding the risks and complications associated with interventions such as induction, pethidine, epidurals, and cesareans.

Let's look at an the risks associated with an epidural for instance. An epidural literally works to inhibit labor, your body can no longer feel what it's doing. Natural oxytocin levels drop 1,2,3, increasing the risk of needing synthetic oxytocin, opening up a whole new set of risks associated with synthetic oxytocin such as the fetal distress, uterine rupture, hemorrhage, and cesarean.4 An epidural also restricts your own movement, it increases the risk of malpresentation of the baby 4 fold, and is associated with a 5.6 fold increase in dystocia.5,6, 7

The end result being a 4.2 fold increased risk of forceps and vacuum delivery, and a 2.4 - 3.7 fold increased risk of needing a cesarean for dystocia, each of which carry their own set of substantial risks to both mother and baby. 5, 8

It's worth researching the risks associated with these procedures so you can truly appreciate the merits of working for a natural birth. See this post for more info.

Realise that birth will be extremely intense. 

A good analogy would be that the pain will be like the worst stomach cramps you've ever felt, multiplied by five... or ten. We are talking serious pain. It will come in waves (contractions), gradually building in intensity, length, and frequency as the hours pass. Because birth comes on slow and builds over a matter of hours, you will have time to get used to the sensations. Your body will respond to the pain by gradually releasing increasing amounts of endorphins (painkilling hormone) and oxytocin (euphoric hormone) to help you cope with the sensations. 9, 10, 11

 During labor women often ask, "how much worse is the pain going to get" and "how long is it going to last". Unfortunately no one can answer that question. We can't say with certainty how much stronger your contractions will get, how long they will continue for, or how well you will cope. You won't know until you get there, and that's something you need to accept and be at peace with. What we can say is that there are a host of natural pain relieving methods that do effectively reduce the sensation of pain and make the birthing process more enjoyable.

The best advice is to utilize those methods and remember to take one contraction at a time.

Realise you CAN control the sensations you feel. 

No you are not completely helpless and at the mercy of the birthing process. Through consciously relaxing your mind and body you are able to effectively reduce the intensity of the contractions and quicken baby's descent. Pain is interpreted in the brain once the brain decides that the sensations felt are harmful. This is where you have some element of control - by consciously telling your brain that the sensations you are feeling during birth are harmless. You can see how positive affirmations and hypnosis that help to reframe the birthing process as positive fit into the picture.

There are a host of relaxation and natural pain relieving techniques you can utilize, some of them you can start implementing before birth even begins. You are not helpless, take charge, take responsibility for the central role in your birth. Make the contractions work for you, work with your contractions, don't fight them, embrace them.

Realise that you will need an extreme amount of focus and perseverance to mentally and physically cope with the contractions. 

Just be aware of it and ready for it. Our natural reaction when we feel pain is to tense our muscles, especially in the area where the pain is located. However tensing your pelvic floor muscles intensifies the pain of the contraction! Tense pelvic floor muscles create a wall that your uterus must try to push baby through, it's like pushing against a closed door. This will greatly slow baby's descent, reducing the efficiency of contractions, serving only to tire you out. Stress during labor is known to prolong or even halt the process of labor, and reduce blood flow to both the uterus and baby – not good.

But fear not, help is at hand. Practicing cognitive reframing, positive affirmations, visualization, meditation, or hypnosis during pregnancy all help train the mind to focus and relax on cue, ready for the big day. Just be aware it takes months of daily practice to really get the full benefit. So get started now!

Realise that it's all about muscle function. 

Your uterus is a giant set of smooth muscles that form a sac encasing your baby. There are three layers of uterine muscle, with the first vertical layer being the most important. During each contraction these vertical muscles contract, shortening and thickening. But unlike a skeletal muscle, like for instance a bicep muscle, when the uterine muscles shorten and thicken with each contraction they don't return to the same resting state they previously were. Their resting state continues to contract tighter and tighter with each contraction, little by little. In this way birth can only progress forward, there is no going backwards. With each contraction the muscles nudge baby down further and further, provided your cervix (the opening of the uterus into the vagina) is fully dilated (open).

Women who've taken acid describe natural birth as similar to an acid trip, with the peak right at the end when baby is born. Be aware that you won't behave like your normal 'you' when you give birth, you will literally be 'high' in a way you've never been before. You'll make strange noises you've never made before, and think strange thoughts you've never thought before. You will experience a rollercoaster ride of emotions, an epic journey, a lifetime of experiences condensed into one day. Just go with it, don't hold back, and don't be afraid.

During birth your body will be brimming with hormones at heightened levels you will never experience again. As labor progresses these birthing hormones will continue to increase, helping you cope. By the time baby is born these hormones will have reached incredibly high levels, and once baby is out and the pain is gone, you'll be left with a 'birth high'. The birth high serves to imprint baby in your memory and bond the two of you together. Decades later you will still be able to recall the moment you first looked into your baby's eyes. The birth high can, however, be negatively affected by birth interventions such as synthetic oxytocin, epidurals, or cesareans. These interventions may reduce the body's ability to produce the hormones needed for naturally coping with pain, birth progression, bonding, and breastfeeding.

Remember the contractions, and the sensations that go along with them, are all part of the process of building up the hormones needed for coping with pain, birth progression, bonding, and breastfeeding. As much as you might abhor them, they are VERY beneficial.

Painting by Amanda Greavette

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