©2008 Jada Shapiro www.birthdaypresence.net

Who would think birth could be a sexual experience? The contractions, the hormones, the ecstatic orgasms. Yes, the fantastic, glorious orgasms that women, if relaxed enough, experience during birth.

Like almost every other human being, I never thought birth could be pleasurable, until I experienced a spontaneous orgasm while giving birth to my son three years ago. Little did I know at the time, that orgasm was 22 times more relaxing than the tranquillizer I was asking for earlier during labor. But it was a confusing and embarrassing experience, so I never mentioned it to a soul. About 2 years later I stumbled upon the phrase 'orgasmic birth' in an online discussion. Naturally I wanted to investigate it, and when I did it made a lot more sense. Here's what's interesting:

Women's sexuality involves making love, giving birth and nursing. In each case, nipples become sensitive, blood flow increases, vaginal lubrication increases, and production of the hormone Oxytocin soars. Also like sex, childbirth is horrendously painful and traumatic if it occurs forcibly or under conditions that undermine a woman's sense of dignity.

The key player in sexual pleasure – whether it be sex, birth or breastfeeding – is the hormone oxytocin. It diminishes pain, triggers ecstatic sensations and increases feelings of empathy. As the level of pain increases during these sexual activities, as does oxytocin, allowing the body to experience both intense pain and intense pleasure at the same time. However, oxytocin is only released when a woman feels relaxed and safe. It is secreted in spurts and not continuously, and levels decrease over time unless you retrigger its release with stimulation. Anything that causes tenseness, anxiety, stress or fear can easily inhibit its release – turning a potentially ecstatic experience, into a horrifically painful one.

This explains why currently it's estimated only 30% of women experience orgasmic birth, these are often women who birth unmedicated at home where surroundings are conducive to relaxation and sexual activity. A dimly lit room, dotted with candles, sensual music, luxurious fabrics, and a warm bath are a wonderful starting point for orgasmic birth.

I can tell you that when I did orgasm during birth, I felt like a goddess. I was so in control, powerful, relaxed, and focused with every cell in my body. I could feel everyone in the room stand back and look on me with awe. I am surprised my body managed such a feat despite birthing in a fluorescent lit, clinical hospital room. Powerful is how every woman should be given the chance to feel during birth. But most women don't feel that way during birth, they feel weak and vulnerable.

The concept of a sexual, pleasurable birth is new to most women. So why is orgasming during birth not widely known? Many women struggle through excruciating childbirth unaware that orgasmic birth is possible. The sexual element is all but removed from childbirth and viewed as taboo. Most women enter their births with the expectation of experiencing the worst pain known to human civilization. They fight with every muscle in their bodies against each contraction, oblivious to the fact that fighting the contractions is exacerbating the pain. Is it possible that if women were able to relax they may just experience earth shattering orgasms instead?

It seems the majority of women in our society have been given a false or incomplete concept of birth. By perpetuating the myth birth can only be painful, and by enforcing every conceivable medical intervention during birth, we are hindering the possibility of a natural, relaxed, pleasurable birth, possibly making women suffer unnecessarily through horrific childbirth pain. The way modern obstetrics has inhibited pleasurable birth almost feels misogynistic and oppressive.

Tinamarie Bernard, from her article 'Orgasmic Birth' describes a very different vision of the future of childbirth….

"Consider this legacy for the next generation of birthing mothers: Quiet room, dim lights, husband kissing his wife, massaging her perineum, whispering loving words to her, all while she's in a state of ecstasy. As the baby is crowning, she is given clitoral stimulation to bring much needed blood and reparative nutrients to the genital region, so that instead of tearing, her perineum is flushed with blood, preventing damage to her sensitive, sensual tissues."

And I'll leave you with a description of what an orgasmic birth feels like….

"All my erogenous zones were stimulated. I was making sounds very similar to a sexual climax. And it was a very definite climax. I was doing the most feminine thing a woman can do and it felt fantastic."

- Katrina Caslake, Midwife and mother of two

Sources:
Orgasmic Birth: Discovering Sexuality in Childbirth
By birthamiracle
Sensual and Orgasmic Childbirth
By Juniper Russo
Orgasmic Birth, the Eco-Sexy Way to Deliver?
By Tinamarie Bernard
How to have a sensual, drug-free birth
By Anastasia Stephens
Oxytocin Hormone and Birth Less-Painful, More Pleasurable Delivery
By Laura Shanley

What does being a feminist entail? I've never heard it defined in vivid detail. I'd like to think of myself as a feminist, it sounds good, catchy, strong, but until I actually know what it means, I'd just be a fraud on the 'feminist' bandwagon.

How about this for a definition: a feminist is one who is an activist for all causes unique to females - experiences  unique to females such pregnancy, abortion , birth, breastfeeding,  motherhood and menopause;  unique societal issues such as female discrimination, chauvinism, prejudice, objectification, sexual harassment, sexual abuse and domestic abuse;  unique health issues such as breast and cervical cancer, menstrual and fertility problems (deeply sorry if I've left anything imperative out, also I know many experiences such as domestic abuse go both ways, but I am speaking of the female experience).

But it goes deeper than that to the 'role' of a woman. How she is controlled, pressured, pushed, harassed, criticized, objectified, labeled, oppressed and depressed into a tiny little box. And with that I'm confused as to what it is my society wants a woman to be. Is it a stay at home mother, a career woman, a family manager, a submissive wife, a busty sex queen, or a modest cookie cutter soccer mum?

None of that is me, I refuse to be labeled by anyone. Maybe I'm too proud, but to me a person is so much more than a mere description. I don't want to BE anything in particular, I just want to be, I just want the world to let me be.  And for the record ‘woman' describes anyone with female genitalia, and I'm happy to own that, but any other societal expectations and prejudices placed on me because I am a woman can go shove it.

When researching for this post I found over 17 different types of feminist movements, all of them generally believed women were oppressed by dominating men. I don't feel oppressed, do you? But often what we think is normal, healthy and fine, is actually abnormal, unhealthy and unnatural – we just have nothing to compare it to. I can not believe some Muslim women have to wear burka's or be escorted by a man in public! But I haven't been brought up in a strict Muslim community, which to many women, I suspect, feels very normal.

The one way I do feel oppressed however, is in the fact there are so few women in positions of influence and power running the country. That's what many mothers excel in – managing a family, negotiating conflict, understanding different points of view, nurturing those in need, making sure everyone is fed, clothed and cared for. Every night I shake my head in disappointment at the deployment of more soldiers sent to resolve a conflict – WTF??!! I bite my tongue out of respect for the males in the room, but what I really want to say is, "is violence the only way men know how to solve a problem?!" I know all males aren't like this, I have three boys, and I know, like females, they are exposed to immense pressure to conform to societal gender norms. I make a conscious effort to encourage their individuality in whatever interests they pursue, and I am determined to raise little boys that see gender prejudice as needless and oppressive.

Feminism starts with parents in the home; raising daughters with confidence and high self-esteem, with the belief they are held under no one's thumb. This is the beginning of a generation of women who may hopefully infiltrate government, bringing with them the immeasurable skills of motherhood, and with that a country that resembles more of a gigantic family rather than a warzone.

Yes I do consider myself a feminist – not a man hater or a lesbian (though those certainly do exist in the feminist community), but a person who recognizes most females go unrecognized, undervalued, underestimated, and underutilized in their strength, potential and abilities, that could not only be a massive contribution to the running of our country, but the major influence steering our country in a more individual, family and community oriented direction.

Simply put though, as one feminist said, "A feminist is a woman who just doesn't want to be treated like shit." Enough said.

Strengthening Our Daughters:

• Encourage Discussion: Discuss the history of feminism and the struggles women have faced in the past and still face today. Discuss how images of females in the media are portrayed; how it makes her feel; how she feels about her own appearance and achievements?
• Try and try again: Encourage her to never stop exploring and trying, offer suggestions but help her feel capable and confident that she can solve her own problems. Resist the urge to always protect and rescue her.
• Provide Diverse Opportunities: Experiment with a wide range of people, activities, hobbies and skills – never assume you know what she may like.
• Regular Sports and Physical Activity: This enhances mental health, reducing symptoms of stress and depression, and can provide a sense of strength and accomplishment. It also reduces the risk of chronic diseases. Female athletes have been shown to perform better academically and have lower school drop-out rates than non-athletes.
• Education: Studies show education plays a key role in improving the quality of women's lives. Math's has shown to be key in achieving equal pay to men.
• Be the Role Model: Monitor your own comments about your self and your daughter. Watch your own stereotypes; help fix the kitchen sink and let dad make dinner. Surround your daughter with other strong confident women. Give her real-life role models that are inspiring and encouraging.
• Get dad involved: Girls with active, hardworking dads attend college more often and are more ambitious, more successful in school, more likely to attain careers of their own, less dependent, more self protective, and less likely to date an abusive man.

References:

"I breastfeed in public, but I am respectful of others, I use a blanket or cover", I've often heard mothers say this, and this statement has always irritated me. It implies nursing mothers who don't use a blanket or cover in public are disrespectful of others, and it has a tendency to make mothers feel ashamed of breastfeeding in general.

Breastfeeding, no matter what species, is natural, functional and healthy; breasts are there to provide vital nutrition to the infant. It's basic biology, there is no mystery about it, so why should the sight of a nursing breast be so controversial?

It's apparent to me that breasts are extremely sexualized in our culture. I'd go as far to say they are fetishized, not to mention utterly exploited for marketing purposes. The unfortunate result for women has been the disempowerment of the use of their own breasts, to the point they feel ashamed of having to use their breasts to feed their child in public, because they don't want to appear sexually suggestive. At least this is how I feel as a mother having been raised in this culture.

It seems logical that the driving force behind the sexualization of breasts may be the fact that breasts are almost always hidden. The more hidden or mysterious something is, the more desirable it becomes, and the more scandalous it's considered when exposed. For example there was a time when the sight of a woman's ankles was exciting for men.  Exacerbating the problem is that breasts are usually only ever seen during sexual encounters, further cementing their role in our society as only sexual.

On the other end of the scale, in some tribal cultures the sight of a breastfeeding mother with breasts fully exposed is common place and hence not arousing to men. In these tribes breasts are deemed primarily as feeding tools, not for sexual arousal. There's no sensationalism, just rational common sense. In an article I read about these women, they were laughing at the thought of Western men obsessed with breasts, exclaiming, "you mean to say they act like babies!?"

Pygmy Mother Nursing

So where does Western culture move forward from here? Why do we find it so hard to accept breasts can be sexual and a feeding tool? I can vouch that  nipple stimulation is great during sex... but so is using my hands to touch or my lips to kiss. Breasts are just another part of the body, like hands or lips, with multiple functions. Sexual arousal can be one such function, but breastfeeding is biologically and primarily the most important function.